The Coldest Fire
by KShade
Summary: A rewrite of Subject to falling. Kalona does something worse to deserve falling, for daring to believe he could be his goddess's only love. "If was an unfortunate thing that the son of the moon had a fire in his veins that made him unable to sleep, to rest when he wasn't in her arms, and even less so when he knew she was in his arms."


If was an unfortunate thing that the son of the moon had a fire in his veins that made him unable to sleep, to rest when he wasn't in her arms, and even less so when he knew she was in _his_ arms. His brother, though he was the son of the sun, would never know true fire. He was too childlike, too insouciant. He went through his happy-go-lucky little existence, the goddess' playmate when he was hardly fit to be her plaything.

But there they were, in his canoe, insult to injury. Didn't Nyx know what this was doing to him? what it was like burning so badly he could scarcely breathe, he couldn't sleep, but when she was with him, and the image of her kissing his brother burned itself into his bloodshot eyes. But alas, Kalona was only her warrior, he'd never be the consort. He'd never be the one she spent her days with, in his arms. He hated to think that his brother might touch her ways before he was certain only he would know.

If he was the warrior he was meant to be, she'd never need Erebus. He could protect her from everything, both boredom, and danger. Protect her from unworthy consorts that would never understand how much was just falling into their naive, enthusiastic laps, even when Kalona was there just begging her to so much as cast a glance at him. His duty protecting her burned him to his core, burned him out, like kindling at the end of the night. But he could take centuries of that, if only she was his.

But there they were, Erebus and Nyx, her eyes a spectacular sky-blue, the white sand furrowing between her toes. He hated that that laugh was not for him, the way it lodged in his throat, and felt like he was choking. And Erebus would never know what this was like, because he didn't care. He went off and frolicked on his own when Nyx was with Kalona. He'd been said, he _wanted_ Kalona to have her. No one who'd give Nyx away like that had any right to be with her. It just served to make Kalona angrier.

He alighted at the edge of the water, tucking his white wings, and splashing bitterly at the shallows. Shallow. That was what his brother was, his fatal flaw. He had the mindset of a child and he'd never be Nyx's equal, and though Kalona knew he wouldn't ever be her equal either, at least he was aware. Erebus probably regarded the goddess as a playmate, as someone fun to be with. He'd never understand how much she meant, never see her for how magnificent she was when she lay back and was made of moonlight, had eyes like the brightest of stars. But when Kalona did it he was too intense, or he was sure that was what they said behind his back, in his canoe.

He was only part way into his tirade when he watched the water begin to turn grey in his palm, and his stomach lurched like he'd been stopped mid-flight. "Run!" he cried, feeling it before it even surged forward, a many-headed incarnation of darkness, like some great Hydra. It was tall enough to tower over all but the oldest of the trees at the banks of the stream, and roared, eyes like fire fixating on Nyx, ignoring Kalona as everyone seemed to, until he surged forward, digging his spear into one of its necks, to get its attention. Lashing its great, jagged tail at him, it clipped his wing, threw him at the surface of the water.

Kalona plunged under water, his wing screaming at the impact, but not nearly so much as his eyes had screamed to see them together. He felt the fire in his eyes as though he knew it, but that was impossible, wasn't it. Surely this wasn't sent by that damned bull again. Either way, he'd stop it. He'd hill it. His wing ached, but he forced himself to take off, surging forward at it as he drew his spear, driving it between two of the creature's necks. It gave a great roar, and he changed a glance behind him, at Nyx, whose eyes were usually so open, that he felt he could see eternity in them were hard, closed off.

But that didn't stop him, as he drove the spear deeper into its neck, screaming as much as it did, in catharsis. Erebus couldn't do this. He never dared raise a finger against darkness, as ever it was Kalona who protected their haven, even sometimes defended the children of the night from above, pulling Darkness back so he could stop it before it infected people.

Just as he drove the spear as deep as it would need to go to finally kill the damned creature, one head lashed around, sinking a tooth into his arm. He screamed, feeling it tear through layer after layer of muscle until it dissipated, and he fell to the surface of the water, drained from having fought so formidable a foe. He was fire, but he was scarcely able to keep the embers alive. The attacks were growing closer and closer together, and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to continue.

And then Nyx was above him, her eyes stars again, and his full of his fire. It was as if she rekindled all that he was, so she could draw him form the water and kiss him. He kissed her from the bottom of his soul, with all his inferno of passion, an intensity his brother could never match, letting her into his mouth, letting her have everything. Kalona never held back, not from Nyx, who deserved more than either he or his brother could ever be, though at least he was aware. He knew he'd never be enough, but he would fight until the day he was extinguished to be close, to be everything she needed. He never thought that sometimes she needed the sunshine as well as the raging storm.

But by the next day, she returned to Erebus, dooming him to another sleepless day, to seeing her with someone who'd never deserve her. The son of the sun didn't know what it was to burn so badly it felt as though fire ran in his veins, coursed through his mind, his eyes, his heart, all of him alive and burning for her to return. He paced, alone in the woods, where he liked to think.

It didn't make itself clear at first, but he saw shadows twist and flicker on the edges of his vision, and straightened his mangled wing with an audible, painful crack. "What do you want?" he demanded, his voice ringing through the woods, startling the birds into flying away.

It stirred, but did not attack, as he didn't so much hear as feel the voice of the bull inside his head. "Son of the moon," It whispered, "have you given no thought to my offer?"

The offer he remembered vividly, that he could win his mother's games, with a little help, that he could ensure the goddess got the man she deserved and not the fool who'd never understand her. But he didn't trust it, nor did he trust the idea of deceiving her, cheating, winning by anything but his own merits. He'd thought the goddess would see that he had merit, that there was something to him worth holding onto.

He couldn't do it, still, not even as her laughter rose over the forest like the ringing of a gentle bell, and he heard her say his brother's name. What was it never his own? What did he have to do? He couldn't give in to the monster he fought, even if Nyx had confided in his that darkness did not always equate to evil, just as light did not always bring good.

Unless this was his destiny.

Unless he was meant to become one with the darkness, to become enough for her, to take on the opposite power so light and darkness could unify, and as they kissed end this war of the forces. Perhaps that was the only way he'd ever be enough, because he feared his fire was soon to extinguish if he held true to his path as a warrior. "Yes," it encouraged, "after all, even Nyx has always told you, Darkness is not always evil. And you're not evil, are you, Kalona?"

No, Kalona was never evil. He was a man who traded his fire for ice that day, int he hopes that it would make him enough, in the hopes that his goddess would cast aside his unworthy brother.

 _You're not evil, are you, Kalona?_

He was so painfully certain he wasn't, even though the force that he gave everything to certainly was. The bull, its master certainly was. But power, he convinced himself, wasn't good or evil so much as the way one used it was. But using it to have his brother banished, to claim the entirety of a goddess who would never have chosen him alone, that was where the nuance lay. He certainly wasn't evil for wanting his goddess, but it didn't make him good either. It brought out the worst of the warrior, the fire that now burned cold with certainty rather than hot with love. He would have her. But possession, he forgot, was not love.

He landed there, at the same beach, where Nyx and Erebus waited, him on the beach, playing with the sand, Nyx awaiting Kalona in his canoe. Perhaps she saw it in his wings when she looked up to him, that they were black now, stained with Darkness and promise and potential, that the goddess of Night but also of light could be met with an equal dark counterpart in the son of the moon. But rather than awe reflecting in her starry eyes, he saw concern, saw fear reflected back in their infinite depths. "Kalona?" her voice was soft, almost gasping his name. "Kalona, what have you done?"

No thanks for what he'd done, for taking on the Darkness to better protect her from it? "I've become a better warrior to you, my goddess," he got down on his knees, taking her hand, though she tried to pull it back, and kissing it. "I—it's made me stronger, don't you see? All this time I've been fighting it when even you've said the Darkness doesn't equal to evil! I was meant to take it on, to be a better warrior than before, to be your consort as well," he insisted. "A goddess of light and a god of darkness, to bury this feud between the ancient bulls. We can be everything," he insisted.

She wrenched her soft, gentle had from his lips, jerking away, rocking the boat as she did, "Kalona, what have you done?" she demanded, though she feared she knew the answer. Her Kalona was a fire, but this one unnatural, so icy it hurt to touch but still burning. Before she could sate him, but now she feared unchecked he could raze her world in a fit of rage, and even she may not be able to stop him.

He was certain she misunderstood, so he tried again, eyes full of a fervency that almost looked maniacal. "It was me, Nyx! All this time thinking we were under attack, but that ends here and now, I'm not fighting it anymore, there's no need to fight, not when I can stop it like this, not when I can use it to protect you. A god of Darkness and a goddess of Light, we'd be unstoppable, Nyx. Just tell me, tell me anything. Tell me you're with me. Tell me you don't need him now…now that I am enough."

How could she tell him he was enough when he was so lost to the enemy. There were unshed tears glistening in her normally bright eyes, reflecting like crystals from the depths as she bit her lip, "Kalona, please…" she choked out, searching for any part of him in the golden eyes of the son of the moon. "You don't understand that darkness has finally won!" she warned him, praying he could reverse it, "It's taken you away from me!" She looked to Erebus for strength, knowing Kalona was about to force her into a hard decision.

Nothing could take him away from her. Nothing but Erebus, who she was looking at right now, rather than giving him the attention he deserved for the sacrifice he'd made for her. Again, he heard the whisper, this time goading him, "Show her, son of the moon, that you are more than he will ever be," it encouraged, and something in him wanted to hesitate, but it wasn't in a wildfire's nature to hesitate, only to burn deeper into the forest. His eyes darkened to amber, and his dark wings spread as he took off, spreading his arms wide and summoning it.

He didn't stop to think of how far this was going to go when Erebus landed in his place on the boat, drawing a sword. _A sword?_ Nyx was replacing him as her warrior with his incompetent brother. His fire raged, burning brighter, but burning colder than ever before. He felt it creeping, felt it feeding on his jealousy like a parasite and he liked it. He liked the power it gave him, after being so helpless: her warrior, her lover the rare times she allowed him. Usually, he was the footnote. Nyx and Erebus frolicking, and Kalona, on the side to protect them, as ever. Things were going to change for him. He was going to change.

" _I_ don't understand?" he demanded, watching tendrils encasing his brother, a smirk curling his lips in a way the twas familiar and strange and entirely wrong. Erebus struggled, though like a serpent it curled tighter and tighter, slashing into his, drawing golden ichor. "What don't I understand, Nyx? Make it clear to me," he mocked, watching his brother struggle and finally feeling as though he had control, finally feeling as if he was enough, even if she'd never see it, in this moment he knew. "Make it clear to me that I never had a chance! That you always preferred Erebus! Make it clear to me that the only way I'll have you, the only way I'll be able to rest is if he's dead, and see what I have to do!"

Darkness held Erebus tighter, as he whimpered, gasping for breath as it compressed his lungs. Frantically, Nyx surged forward, trying to free Erebus form Kalona's tendrils, though they held fast, fuelled by his anger, "Kalona, I have always loved you, please…please you don't need to do this,"she begged, "this isn't you," she insisted. Her Kalona was a protector, and this man was a destroyer. She feared everything would be destroyed by his cold fire, a fire she could no longer extinguish.

"You mean powerful for a change?" he demanded, "stopping at nothing to do what's best for you? Undeserving but finally getting closer to your equal while he stagnates every day?" he demanded, "this has always been me, but you never saw me through his shadow!"

"Kalona," she said, both a warning and a plea, that this had to stop now, but it didn't. He landed in front of her, pulling her into a kiss that seared and froze her lips in one, a kiss as violent as the darkness he'd embraced. He nipped her lip, letting himself into her mouth, before he broke the kiss, dizzy with passion and need.

"Say it again," he plead, "say the name of the only one who'll ever protect you. The only one even close to deserving of you," he begged her, amber eyes still full of Darkness, but showing a gleam of the original Kalona, the man who she was certain was going to die tonight, lost to his own Darkness.

She had no choice tout to be honest with him as she watched his brother struggle, watched the tendrils subsiding. She pulled him in to kiss him again, stifling her tears through closed eyes as she felt his brother breaking free and then shoving him back at his own cloud of darkness as Erebus flew behind her. "Erebus!" she called, feeling him lift her from the canoe as it neared the edge of her realm.

One word, that was all she had to give him, and still she wouldn't. She couldn't even say his name, couldn't give him that, after everything he'd done for her. He'd show her. He'd extinguish that Erebus, he'd claim her for his own, and she'd see. She'd see he was worthy. The darkness fired at him as he lifted Nyx, but it was too late to call it off as it all fired toward them. "No!" he cried, surging forward to try to stop it, but he was just a microsecond too late. Before it could touch Erebus, it hit his goddess in front of him, one tendril marring her cheek, before Kalona called it all off. One splatter of golden ichor hit the ground, the sound soft, but tremendous like an earthquake. His betrayal, his fatal sin was to hurt her. He flew to her, trying to heal it, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, but the rest of the grove was silent.

"Kalona," she gasped, in disbelief, a hand flying to the slash on her cheek, before she turned from him a moment, trying to steel herself. She loved Kalona, and that wasn't enough for the jealous warrior's heart. "In your vow, you swore to defend my and all that is mine from the Darkness, but you have not protected yourself. You were my greatest love," she said, forcing her tone cold, "and now you are my greatest danger. For that, I must do this."

He absorbed the tendrils back beneath his skin, landing on his knees on the canoe, feeling his body grow so heavy he couldn't lift it from the boat and knowing it to be Nyx's doing, that he get what he deserved for hurting her. "Nyx, please, I can stop. I can get rid of it," he plead scarcely daring to look at her, "I love you!" the cold fire was gone form his being, replaced with flesh that ached with regret so deep it hit him in the lungs. He could scarcely breathe.

She forced herself not to pardon him, to meet his eyes and not falter. She knew this was all she could do, was the only way to protect her world, her people, even to protect his brother. "You cannot," she insisted "Kalona, you are full of Darkness, you cannot know love."

His insides rent themselves apart as though torn by his own tendrils when she spoke those words. "My goddess, I beg of you!" he exclaimed, looking into her eyes and seeing only resignation, not seeing the tears past the way the stars dimmed, wouldn't shine on him in this moment, "I beg of you, you know I love you." He held onto the words as if there was nothing else left in the universe.

"Darkness feels no love, Kalona," she said slowly, closing her eyes and letting her golden-stained hand take Erebus', needing to feel she wasn't alone in these moments as she lost her greatest love. And again he plead, eyes fill of regret that she was certain he felt now, but what about the next time, what of she couldn't stop him? She forced herself as well to freeze, to lose the warmth she'd always shown to his fire. "You know not of love, Kalona," she said coldly, turning from him, unable to bear watching as the canoe he was on drifted over the waterfall and out of her realm, sending him hurtling toward earth, a meteorite. His body aflame, all that filled her ears was the screaming, a sound she hoped never again to hear as she buried her face in her consort's shoulder to finish her sentence, "Except my own, and that was never enough."

"I hate you," was all he said as he landed, and she knew, in that moment, her Kalona was lost.


End file.
